Haruka and the Dog
by writer-jm
Summary: On Christmas Day, Haruka gets a surprise. Life in the Outers' house won't quite be the same when a dog moves in. Some shoujoai hints and some blatently obvious.


Welcome to my first exclusively humor story! This is based on reality mixed in the fun of the Outers. It all started with a fun mental image of Haruka holding a little dog looking as if someone had gotten mud on her Ferrari (okay, more pouty, not homicidal). This is just some of my wonderful experiences mixed in with a little bit of fiction. I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon. I'm in negiotiationsnow.

Haruka vs the dog

Haruka was starting to get suspicious. First, it being Christmas Eve, she was expecting to spend it with her whole family, consisting of her, Michiru, Hotaru, and Setsuna. However, Chibiusa had called and asked if Hotaru could stop by. For some reason, Michiru had offered to drive her. Why? She was usually the driver for the family.

It was obvious to her that Chibiusa had a special gift for Hotaru. Hotaru had spent weeks agonizing over what to get her best friend. Haruka had almost lost her sanity when Hotaru failed to make up her mind after four hours in the mall. From the look on Haruka's face on her return, Setsuna offered to take her the next time.

Tonight, Setsuna had straightened up the living room, all the time sporting a knowing smile. Haruka was certain that she knew what Hotaru was getting from 'Small Lady.' It wouldn't even take her a trip to the Time Gates to figure it out. She had probably already found out directly from the source. It wasn't like she could keep a secret from her 'Puu.' Haruka laughed inwardly. How did she ever get that nickname?

The door opened. Michiru came in first and shrugged off her coat. Hotaru followed her with a blanket in her arms. Haruka was confused. Chibiusa's loving gift was a blanket? Then, the blanket moved. 'Oh crap.' Haruka thought.

"Hi, Michi, Hotaru," she walked up to her wife and hugged her. She turned to her daughter and looked at the blue blanket curiously. "What have we got here?"

Hotaru giggled. "Chibiusa got me a puppy!" The dark-haired girl pulled back the blanket. In her arms was a small ball of fur.

Haruka looked at it, asleep in Hotaru'ssmall arms. "Where's its face?" It was multi-colored. Its head was brown, shoulders were white, was brown again until the tail, which was white again. Hotaru giggled happily.

"It's a female shih tzu." Michiru explained. The little puppy decided to wake up at that moment and examine its surroundings. It had big brown eyes and a cute black nose that looked as if it had run into a wall. The teal-haired woman looked at her pleadingly. "I know we didn't get to discuss it, but Hotaru really wants to keep it. Chibiusa went to a lot of trouble to get this puppy. I think she was trying to hint at something big." Hotaru blushed, cutely. Haruka nodded.

The blond sighed and went back to the couch. Growing up she had always wanted a dog, they were always hard to find and expensive. When she finally had the money, Michiru had talked her out of it, saying that they didn't have the time for it. Now, here they had a dog and it was a puny little ball of fluff. Why not a German Sheppard or golden retriever? She knew she would end up taking it for a walk. How tough would she look with that on the end of the leash? She had to admit it was kind of cute, but she wasn't going to admit it to the others.

Haruka looked around. Where were they? A call from the kitchen, it was Michiru. "We're going to go to the pet store, want to come with us?"

"Nah, I'm gonna…watch something on tv." She tried to sound casual, but it came out pure Scrooge. Michiru kissed her on the cheek, while giving a worried look.

"We'll be back in a little while." Setsuna said from the door. She had an irritating look on her face that said, 'you can't resist the cuteness for long.'

Haruka spent the hour alone. She dug through the fridge, looking for something to snack on. There was some turkey left over from the last Senshi meeting. She nuked it and sat down to watch snowmobile racing. Nothing she'd ever try. It was too slow, but at least it wasn't a sappy Christmas special.

When the trio returned, they had a small bed for the puppy and several sacks. Hotaru quickly pulled out a toy and began to play with the rambunctious ball of fur. Michiru put some weird looking plastic sheets down. Setsuna had her nose in a book titled, "Raising Shih Tzu's."

While playing with a ball, the dog barked for the first time it had been there. The dog jumped and looked around nervously, as if to ask: "Who did that?" Hotaru laughed.

Haruka had to turn around to keep her smile from being seen. 'Too cute.' When she managed to control her smile, she turned around and saw the dog spinning around in place. This seemed so familiar... 'Oh, crap!' That, however, wasn't what the dog did.

Five minutes later, Michiru was scrubbing at a yellow spot on the carpet. Setsuna had the dog on the little plastic sheet. She quoted something in the book about house breaking. "When the puppy makes a mistake, immediately take the pet to a pee pad or newspaper."

Hotaru looked worriedly at Haruka who just sighed. 'Our carpet will never be the same.'

Surprisingly, over the next week the little dog proved its intelligence. After only two more mistakes, the fuzzy little critter was housebroken. It surprised Haruka to no end. Setsuna mentioned something about Shih Tzu's being really intelligent and observant.

Observant; such a strange word to describe a dog breed. The past week had proved that description more than fitting. The puppy kept a constant watch on all the activities in their household. If somebody moved, its head turned. If someone sneezed, it looked at them like their face had exploded. Haruka had never really felt paranoid before, but the little nose poking under the bathroom door grated a little on her nerves.

Another major problem that came up was how small the dog was. It was also silent. This led to a few incidents with the dog and peoples' feet. Haruka was the first to accidentallybump intothe dog. It yelped, which alerted the entire household to the incident. Haruka stuttered an apology to Hotaru, whose eyes were starting to tear at the heart-breaking whimpering.

"I'm really sorry, Hotaru," Haruka said, as the girl held the puppy in her arms.

"You really need to apologize to Kyande (Japanese for candy)," Hotaru held the puppy out to Haruka.

'Me apologize to a dog? Well, if it'll keep Hotaru from crying…' She took the palm-sized puppy in hand and held it in front of her face. "I'm sorry, okay?" The little dog looked into her eyes for a second and then leaned forward to lick the tip of her nose. The licking continued as the puppy started to lick the inside of her nose. "Eww… I think a more appropriate name for this dog would be 'booger.'"

There was laughter coming from the door. Setsuna and Michiru had witnessed the whole event! 'There goes my tough girl image…'

"How cute!" Michiru said, between laughs.

"She really seems to like you…" Setsuna added, slyly. Haruka grunted and handed the puppy back to a smiling Hotaru.

Later, Haruka was sitting on the couch watching the news. The jingling of a cat bell announced another presence in the room. Kyande decided to see what was going on. She looked up at Haruka. Haruka sighed and picked up the dog and set it next to her on the couch so it could snuggle with her on her lap. "Hey," the little dog looked at her. "I guess you're okay, booger." The dog licked her hand and promptly went to sleep.

Haruka was folding laundry later that day. The dog decided to lend a paw. It went after the socks first. Haruka let it slide. Then, it went after the underwear. Haruka quickly tried to pluck a skimpy pair of Setsuna's panties out of Kyande's teeth. The little dog apparently thought it was a game of tug-a-war.

"Hey, let go! These aren't yours." The dog heard a noise and promptly let go. The panties flopped onto her face and the owner of said panties walked into the room while she was removing them from her face. The serene, green-haired woman gave her a slightly worried look. Haruka's face turned red. "This isn't how it looks… The dog was trying to eat your underwear and then it let go and the elastic shot it at my face. I promise I wasn't doing anything weird."

Setsuna just smiled. She knew sniffing underwear wasn't Haruka's style. Anybody else, shemight have been worried, especially Minako. She started to laugh as she noticed that the dog had managed to get a hold of one of Haruka's more scandalous numbers. Haruka got up and started to pursue Kyande down the hall.

Another odd trait of the dog was its inability to fetch. It was either that or it enjoyed torturing its owners with retrieving the toys themselves. Someone would throw a ball; it would go after it… Then, it would stop and wait for them to come and get her. She would wag her curled tail excitedly the closer they got.

Sometimes, Kyande would actually retrieve a toy. However, she would stop a couple of feet away from the pitcher. It honestly drove Haruka insane. The dog always looked confused when the tall blond would vent to someone who wasn't there about a 'little fur ball of Satan.' The look in those intelligent, brown eyes convinced everyone that the dog perfectly knew well what it was doing.

It wasn't long before there were clearly defined relationships between the dog and the members of the household. Setsuna was the naptime buddy. Kyande always fell asleep on Setsuna's lap while she was reading and she was very protective of her position. For a while, Kyande would growl at Minako whenever she sat on her spot. Eventually, Minako made friends with the little dog. Kyande figured out that she wasn't a threat, just a constant visitor.

Michiru was the nurse and cook. Whenever the dog was sick, Michiru helped take care of her. She helped give the shih tzu her medication for fleas. The dog quickly recognized the medication for what it was and promptly refused to take it. The blue-haired woman held a conference with Setsuna. They wrapped the pill in cheese, which was a favorite snack of Kyande's. The dog gulped it down.

Haruka was the playmate and 'outside' person. She would take the dog outside to go to the bathroom, or chase after butterflies and crickets. During playtime, Haruka learned that the dog had a bit of a mean streak when it came to stuffed animals, particularly rabbits. 'Oh, to see the look on Usagi's and Chibiusa's face when they findthat out!' It would growl and tackle anything with long ears and a fuzzy tail.

Twelve-year-old Hotaru was the mother figure. When Michiru was giving medicine, Hotaru held Kyande. The same team gave the dog a bath, although Setsuna would sometimes help. When Setsuna had to leave or Kyande was especially jealous of Minako, Hotaru would take the dog and let her nap on her bed. Playtime was a big involvement for Hotaru. Haruka and her would pass a ball between them while the dog chased mercilessly. It was fun to watch the little dog run like crazy.

As the entire family settled onto the couch one evening, Hotaru was brushing Kyande's hair. The dog simply thought it was under attack and sought to defend itself. Hotaru attempted to reason with the dog. "Don't attack the brush, it's not a toy. Really, Kyande, I can't see your eyes... How can you see?"

Haruka just couldn't keep quiet. "You can't ever see her eyes, she's always rubbing her face on the floor. I guess it doesn't matter to her..." The dog looked to her as if she were the most intelligent person in the room. It left Hotaru's lap, went across Michiru's and settled onto Haruka's. Haruka just sighed and scratched it behind the ears.

"It looked as if Kyande has been there before..." Setsuna commented.

Haruka grunted. "Maybe."

"How nice... At least you're not playing with my underwear again." Setsuna smiled. Michiru looked threateningly at Haruka, who held the puppy up as a shield of cuteness.

"She did it, not me! I was just doing laundry." Haruka explained.

"Sure you were." Michiru raised an eyebrow.

"Look into these eyes and tell me that you don't see an evil genius bent on making me sleep on the couch." Haruka said, holding up the dog again as if that were evidence enough. Hotaru giggled.

"You really like Kyande, don't you, Haruka-papa?"

"Yeah, I guess me and 'booger' get along. Well, if I don't get in trouble for her choice in chew toys."

End.

Thanks for sticking around. I hope you enjoyed it. I can imagine some of you can relate...

Well, review if you want. I had a lot of fun writing this.


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